


The Lobby's Crossover Oneshots

by TheBizarreHairTrio



Series: The Lobby's Collection of Oneshots [2]
Category: The Lobby
Genre: Alternate Universe - Avatar & Benders Setting, Alternate Universe - D.Gray-Man Fusion, Alternate Universe - Fate/ Fusion, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Alternate Universe - Homestuck Fusion, Alternate Universe - Hunter X Hunter Fusion, Alternate Universe - Katekyou Hitman Reborn! Fusion, Alternate Universe - Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic Fusion, Alternate Universe - Naruto Fusion, Alternate Universe - One Piece Fusion, Alternate Universe - Percy Jackson Fusion, Alternate Universe - Quirks (My Hero Academia), Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Deal With It, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Multiple Crossovers, Multiple Pairings, One Shot Collection, Other, and not all of them are shippy, any uhhhh, character interactions might be off, okay judge me all you want but this is the crossover oneshots, sometimes you wanna write about these really good characters in different universes, you know how it is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-01-05 11:11:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21207584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBizarreHairTrio/pseuds/TheBizarreHairTrio
Summary: Just oneshots that I really need to get out before I forget about them, or ones that just keep nagging at me to be written. You know.





	1. Naruto AU - Team Assignments

**Author's Note:**

> Guide to who's who:  
Gerard - half-Hatake  
Judas - Uchiha  
Dave - Senju  
Runo - Nara  
Noah - Hyuuga  
Kitkat - Uzumaki  
Nine - Uzumaki, also Kyuubi container  
Pam - Yamanaka  
Quin - Uchiha

"Alright, class! I'll announce the teams, and your sensei," here, the chunin instructor gestured towards to row of jonin, "will lead you out of the classroom to get acquainted.

"Team One will consist of..."

"Hey," muttered Noah, head bent towards Quin. "What are you gonna do if we aren't on the same team?" 

She grimaced, tugging at the collar of her sweater. "I don't know," she whispered back. "But I'm pretty sure our scores should be balanced out enough that, um. Statistically, we should be on the same team... Although, there's a chance my calculations are off..."

"Team Two will have..."

In the back, Judas yawned widely, light glinting off their shades as they leaned their cheek into their palm. Similarly, in the front, sat Runo, head pillowed in her arms, with a dozing Dave beside her. Pam had taken the entire bench adjacent to them, stretched out without a care in the world. The instructor ignored this.

"Team Three has..."

"See how they're putting all the extras in one team?" whispered Nine, over at Gerard.

"What do you mean?" he whispered back, eyes darting about the room. 

"The civilian kids, the ones with low grades, the ones who barely passed, they're all being placed on the same teams," he explained. "You'll see. They're gonna keep their gems, which are you, me, those two Uchiha, the last Senju, the other Uzumaki, and the Nara and Yamanaka on the same three teams."

"You don't have to call them extras," said Kitkat from behind them. "It's kinda rude."

Shrugging in response, Nine leaned forward to stare at the instructor. "I call it like I see it."

Huffing out a sigh, Kitkat leaned back in her seat.

"Team Seven will have Senju Dave, Uchiha Judas, and Uzumaki Nine. Your instructor is Hatake Kakashi..." The chunin dithered for a moment, scanning the remaining jonin and coming up empty. "Please wait for your instructor to arrive."

Nine tch'ed, leaning back in his seat with a narrowed glare. "Senju and this particular Uchiha, huh... They're really pulling out all the stops here. And if what they say about Hatake is true..."

"Are you gonna be alright?" murmured Kitkat.

"I guess I'll have to be," he muttered back. "Especially since I was hoping for Team Nine."

"Team Eight will consist of Nara Runo, Uzumaki Kitkat, and Yamanaka Pam. Your instructor is Yuuhi Kurenai." A dark haired woman gestured for the three to follow her, and led them out the door.

"Team Kunoichi, huh..." remarked Noah under his breath, Quin nodding along.

"Team Nine will be Hatake Gerard, Hyuuga Noah, and Uchiha Quin. Your instructor is Might Guy." A man in green spandex and the jonin vest bounced up with a sparkling grin full of teeth.

"Come with me!" His voice boomed over the idle chatter of the classroom.

"I have a feeling our teacher's pretty crazy," murmured Gerard, brushing past Noah and Quin to catch up to their supposed instructor. The two exchanged glances and raced after their teammate, chasing the green clad jonin out of the academy and through the streets, trying to keep up.

For a couple minutes, they continued like this, until they skidded to a stop in unison, staring up incredulously as their instructor began scaling the Hokage Monument, actually running up the cliffside. They stared at each other in disbelief. 

"Come, my youthful students!" Guy yelled down at them, posing with one hand on his hip and the other forming a thumbs up next ro his face. "Let us bond in performing this youthful warm-up!"

"This is a warm-up...?" whispered Gerard, looking utterly hopeless.

Noah accurately summed up their thoughts in a single word. "Fuck."

* * *

Kurenai led Runo, Pam, and Kitkat to a training ground, settling down against a tree and gesturing for them to do the same. Once they were seated, Kurenai passed around bento boxes with a smile.

"Well, I thought that we could start with a usual introduction," she said. "You all know each other from the academy, but I don't, and would like to get to know you all, since we'll be working as a team. I'll provide an example introduction, which will function as my own, as well." She cleared her throat. "My name is Yuuhi Kurenai. I like takowasa, and I dislike nattō. My dream for the future... hmm, I suppose to train the next generation to be great and make Konoha strong again. My hobbies...? Evening drinks, I suppose." She clapped her hands together. "Your turn."

The three of them exchanged looks. _Well,_ Kitkat thought. _At least she's nice._

* * *

Judas yawned into their hand, stretching out their legs over the bench and folding their arms behind their head. Dave had flat out fallen asleep, curling up on the desk, and Hal had procured a book, flipping through the pages leisurely.

Several minutes later, Judas opened a single eye, sliding their glasses down to stare over them at Nine. "You haven't turned a page in over three minutes now," they observed, a smirk tugging at their lips.

Not giving into the bait and keeping his gaze on his book, Nine replied after a beat. "Perhaps I'm just digesting it."

"I doubt it," they retorted, belying their quick answer with a lazy shrug. "You want to ask me something?"

Wetting his lips, the Uzumaki finally set his book down, and gave Judas his full attention. "Surely you know why this particular line-up had been arranged," he began. "I've heard rumors about the evolution of your Sharingan. Is that why you were placed on this team, rather than your cousin?"

"That, and also because I asked the clan head to as a favor."

He narrowed his eyes. "Why would you do that?"

They rolled their eyes, sliding their sunglasses back up to conceal them. "Why not? The last Senju, the illustrious Wood-Style prodigy as well as the last user since our great First Hokage himself... And the human sacrifice of the Nine-Tailed Fox, the calamity given form, who our revered Fourth had sacrificed his life to seal..." They smirked. "History itself is woven into the fabric of this team. Uchiha Madara, our village's first traitor, who fought with the Nine-Tailed Fox against Senju Hashirama, our founding father and First Hokage. Their battle shook the land and carved into the earth, rearranging the landscape. Would it not be glorious... To surpass our ancestors? Would it not be legendary... To rewrite our history?"

They fell silent, and Nine did not respond. A moment later, the door opened, welcoming in a gray haired man with a mostly concealed face.

"My first impression of you... is that you're boring."


	2. Magi AU - Introducing The Three Magi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An average day in the Magi household, with some mild betting thrown in.

Judas somehow ends up waking up first, picking up themselves from wherever they ended up passing out last night. They start on the coffee, fill up their mug, and with caffeine now coursing their veins, they start on breakfast. They swear by Kou's special blend, "regardless of how much blood must've been shed to achieve this greatness," so they say.

Runo drags herself out of bed next, always ending up to drink what's left of Judas' coffee, swearing in disgust, before making her own. She takes whatever food's placed in front of her, and swears by Balbadd's beans.

Quin is the last to rouse herself from slumber, unconsciously floating down the stairs to take the plate offered to her by Judas, using Reim's blend to brew her coffee. She starts conversation, idly chatting about what the Red Lions had told her about, and informed the other two of the progress of their succulents, under her new sunlight spell. 

Judas leaves first, heading off to the Fanalis' lands and practice their spells. Runo dithers around the cabin, listening to what the fluttering Rukh tell her, bringing her news of what happens outside of the Rift, the flow of destiny and if war whispers on the horizon. Quin putters around her indoor garden, then settles down in her lab to scry, viewing the state of the various empires and checking on her king candidates.

"Who wants to play cards?" announces Judas, entering through the window. Their necklace clinks with their movement.

Runo looks up, shrugging. "What are the stakes?"

They smirk. "You'll see. Quin! Let's play cards!"

"Okay! Hold on!"

Quin flies down the stairs, quite literally, and takes a seat. Judas deals out the cards.

"We're playing BS, yeah?"

"Mhm..."

"Quin, how's Reim looking?"

"I think Muu is still looking for you... You shouldn't have just left him behind like that, Judas! He's worried out of his mind."

"Tell that to Runo! How many candidates are you up to now? Oh, BS!"

"Ha, you're wrong!"

"Damn..."

"Well... They're technically not my candidates... I just rose some dungeons, and they decided they were gonna capture them. I don't think they've ever seen me at all..."

"Then maybe you could go see them, Runo! They might be in need of a magi..."

"No way, she can't go over there! That's Kou, remember? Where the witch is..."

"Ah, yeah..."

"Hmm, nope, definitely not going anywhere near her... BS!"

"Shit."

"Not so nice being on the other side, huh, Runo?"

"Shut up, Judas..."

"Guys, play nice..."

"Oh, yeah, how are your candidates doing, Quin?"

"Ahhhh, they're getting old... I really want them to live longer, but they said no..."

"Oh... Yeah, sometimes I forget how mortal other humans are..."

"Mmm... yeah."

"That reminds me. Remember how the Rukh all swarmed at once?"

"Oh, yeah! I remember that."

"The source was that kid in Balbadd, right?"

"Mhm... And guess what? I think he's ready to challenge a dungeon."

"Already? Have you met him?"

"I watches his Rukh... He has strong ambitions, and somehow... I don't know, he makes me feel like I used to be, when I chose my first king..."

"... Does he feel like your first king...?"

"... Yeah. He does... Ambitious, unrelenting... I think he's going to go far, guys."

"Oh..."

"I think the same. The Rukh sometimes bring me messages about him, just general praise and some stray resolutions of his being carried over to me."

"Exactly! Which is why... The stakes are high! Whoever wins gets to toss this guy into his second dungeon, whichever one of their choosing!"

"Wait, second—?! You already sent him into a dungeon?!"

"Yeah, Baal's dungeon! He captured it in record time, and he got all excited when he saw the dungeon beasts."

"Judas! How old is this guy, anyways? Did you just throw him in without no backup?"

"The sink or swim method is the most effective!"

"He could have died!"

"But he didn't! He survived, and he got a metal vessel out of it! He looked pretty happy."

"Dammit, Judas! That's not what I meant!"


	3. Naruto AU - The Uchiha Massacre, Revised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST. ANGST, EVERYWHERE.

"Hey, Judas? Do you think our dads are ever gonna make up?"

Judas glanced down at Quin, her legs pulled up to her chest and arms around them. They sighed.

"I don't know," they admitted, remembering the screaming match their fathers had gotten into, remembered the words "honor" and "sacrifice" and "for the good of the village" being spouted by their father, while Quin's yelled back with "the sake of the village" and "unnecessary" before they'd been ushered from the room.

"I don't like this..." their cousin confessed. "You can feel it, too, can't you? The tension between the clan and the village, and between clan members themselves..."

Grimacing to themselves, they scratched at the side of their head and heaved another sigh. "Yeah... We're so isolated from the village, and with all those rumors floating around..."

"You mean the ones about how we controlled the Nine-Tailed Fox and made it attack the village?"

"Yeah... They've been denouncing us as the kin of Madara." They laughed mirthlessly. "When in actuality, the scrolls state Madara had denounced us first before he left the village."

"Don't you think..." Quin's voice dropped in volume. "Don't you think the clan elders are looking more and more vicious day by day?"

"Sharp eyes," they muttered back, patting her head. "Yeah... The atmosphere of the compound, it's so charged with desperation. An Uchiha is always most dangerous when backed into a corner, Mikoto-sama always says."

Realization dawned in Quin's eyes. "You don't think they're—"

"HEY, LITTLE COUSINS!" hollered Shisui from behind them. Judas turned around, blanched, and tried to dodge but was too late, resulting in them getting crushed under the teenager's weight.

"GET OFF, SHISUI, YOU HEAVY BASTARD!"

"Ooooh, you kiss your mother with that mouth, Judas?! For shame!"

Itachi sighed, having followed behind at a more sedate pace, settling down next to Quin. She brightened up, taking a box out of her pouch and opening it up, offering him a pocky stick. His expression softened imperceptibly, and he took one with a soft thanks.

"Get—OFF—!" Finally managing to land a solid kick to Shisui's ribs before he could body flicker away, Judas cheered in triumph, slumping down next to Quin and wordlessly begging for a pocky stick, taking one from the box with a loud 'hell yeah!'

"Man..." whined Shisui, patting his ribs. "You're already vicious now, who knows how mean you'll be when you finally graduate? When will that be, again? You're six, right?"

Yelling in indignation, Judas threw a rock at him, scowling at his easy dodge. "We're ten, you ignoramus! Are you so dumb you can't tell people's ages?!"

"So cruel... I just forgot you were actually older than little Sasuke!"

"Oh!" exclaimed Quin, turning to Itachi. "How's Sasuke, anyways?"

Shisui answered first. "He's pretty disgruntled with Itachi, you know! Always chasing after him, chanting 'train me! Train me!' And you know what our resident prodigy does? Time after time, he just pokes little Sasuke on the forehead and says 'Maybe next time, little brother'. How cold is that!"

Quin's face gained a confused look. "Wait, since when do you do that to Sasuke? You're not that busy, I mean, you're here with us right now!"

Itachi's expression shifted minutely. "Well... Sasuke is at that age of development where he needs to stop being so dependent on me. He can't chase after me forever... He needs to figure out his own way of doing things, since he can't mimic me and get the same results."

Judas sighed. "Sensible as always. I thought that was pretty weird of you, since you adore Sasuke and everyone knows it, but that's actually pretty reasonable." Quin nodded in agreement, but kept an eye on Itachi.

Moments passed before any change appeared, but she caught a flash of regret and shame flicker through his eyes, before they went blank once again.

_Ah_, she thought. _Somehow... I feel like something bad is going to happen._

* * *

_"Did you hear—"_

_"—I did, who would have thought—"_

_"—close as brothers—"_

_"—can hardly believe it!—"_

_"—a shame, do you think he's—"_

_"—drowned, I heard—"_

_"—it's true, then?—"_

_"—practically admitted it—"_

_"—can't believe the clan head's son killed Shisui!"_

Heart freezing in their chest, Judas nearly crashed into a passerby as they whirled around, eyes wide. _Itachi...?_ They pushed chakra into their feet and leapt, roof hopping further back into the compound with their blood cold in their veins. They landed in front of the clan head's house, stopping in front of a younger boy, sat at the steps and face buried into his knees.

"Sasuke..." 

Sasuke looked up, expression downtrodden, and Judas sat beside him, waiting for him to speak.

"Brother... They said brother killed Shisui..." he whispered, almost leaning against them but not quite. "And his eyes changed from the normal tomoe... There was a weird design, and it didn't look like the Sharingan anymore."

They inhaled deeply. "... What did Itachi say?"

"I don't know... It happened too fast. He threw a kunai at the fan." Sasuke pointed to where a kunai was imbedded in the wall, in the middle of the Uchiha clan symbol. They winced. "He and father and the others nearly fought. I don't know why..."

Judas lifted an arm, halting for a moment, before sighing and draping it around the younger, holding him for a few moments before releasing him and standing up.

"Be safe, Sasuke," they said, patting his head before taking off.

_Itachi... Why do I have such a bad feeling about this?_

* * *

Judas huddled under the floorboards, slowing their heartbeat and completely suppressing their presence, blood dripping down through the gaps. They stifled their cries, staring up at their father's unseeing eyes and recalling Itachi's tears as he ran his blade through their mother's throat. They desperately wished Quin was okay. 

They must have laid there for at least an hour before they crawled out, climbing through the hatch and turning their father's corpse over. They sobbed, determinedly removing the tools from their pouch, dry heaving at the thought of what their father had instructed them to do. They closed their eyes, snapping them open as the Sharingan spun to life, meticulously removing their father's eyes, and then their mother's, sealing them within a scroll and sticking out their tongue, remembering the day their mother had inked the storage seal on the flat of it.

They touched the scroll to the seal with a touch of chakra, and it disappeared in a puff of smoke that made them cough. Picking up their father's sword, they crept out of their house and into the next, hoping Quin was safe.

Slipping into her room through the window, they activated their Sharingan again, wishing for once it were a Byakugan so they could immediately tell when Quin was and if there were any enemies around. 

They came across their uncle's body first, and performed the removal of the eyes, repeating the sealing process and moving on. They happened upon their aunt's body next, and froze at her already missing eyes.

A spark of chakra alerted them, and they whirled, holding up their blade reflexively—

—and howled in pain, feeling a stake pierce their abdomen. Vision blurred, they reached uselessly for their sword, staring up at someone who was not Itachi, but a long haired stranger in a yellow mask with strange designs. The figure disappeared into a vortex, as if they had been sucked up, and they felt themselves slowly lose consciousness, even as Quin appeared from her hiding spot in the cabinets and half dragged their limp body out of the house and to the entrance of the compound, screaming for help at the top of her lungs.


	4. Harry Potter AU - The Hogwarts Express

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so self-indulgent guys LISTEN

Runo tapped on the pillar, before frowning over at her cat. "Are we sure that McGonagall woman was telling the truth...? A secret entrance to a secret platform seems a little farfetched..."

"On the contrary," someone piped up from behind her, "Professor McGonagall was telling the truth!"

Runo whirled around to face another girl pushing her own cart, with a caged chicken clucking softly atop it. She looked about furtively. "Hogwarts, too?"

The girl smiled widely and nodded her head. "Shall we go through together, then??"

Runo grimaced. "You, first?"

The other girl stifled a giggle and broke out into a run, and just as it seemed like she would crash headlong into the pillar, she disappeared through as if the stone was simply a mirage. Runo gulped, knuckles whitening from her grip on her cart, and she pushed forth like she'd seen the other girl do so, reflexively shutting her eyes in preparation for the dreaded crash, before she felt a strange feeling pass through her and a breeze ruffle her hair.

She opened her eyes to a grand steam train, glossy and huge, and took note of the strange apparel of the bustling crowd on the platform. 

"Over here!" called the girl who had guided her through the pillar. Runo quickly pushed her cart over to her, and the girl stuck out a hand with a smile.

"I'm Pam! Glad to see you got through!"

Taking her outstretched hand with a mildly dazed expression, Runo shook it and attempted a smile back. "Runo... Thanks for helping me out...?"

"No problem!" she replied, hefting up her trunk by one end. "Come on, we better get on the train!"

Runo copied her movements, dragging her trunk up into the train car as Oscar followed her leisurely, tail waving behind him, and breathed a sigh of relief at being just in time as the train began moving the moment they closed the door behind them.

"In here!" called Pam, and Runo hurried after her, dragging her trunk into the compartment behind her and lifting it up, placing it on the overhead rack. She nearly collided with Pam's still form as the other girl stopped in her tracks, and she peaked over her shoulder to find that the compartment was already occupied.

A dark haired person sat next to the window with their cheek balanced in their palm, staring them down. Runo noted that their tie and robe didn't have any house colors like the other students they passed, and deduced that this one was a first year like themselves.

"Sorry!" said Pam sheepishly. "We didn't know this was taken, we can move—"

"It's fine," the other cut her off. "Take a seat."

They did as they asked, settling down across them. Runo fidgeted with her shirt hem.

"Judas Black," they introduced finally, not offering a hand and arching an eyebrow expectantly. When neither of them seemed to react, other than the obvious offering of their own names, they seemed to look satisfied.

"I'm not a girl," Judas said, "but I'm not a boy, either. I know you two are new to the magical world, which is satisfactory. If I could guess... I'd say both of you are muggleborns?"

"Yeah!" Pam replied. Runo nodded, forehead wrinkling slightly.

"So, I was right, then," resolved Judas. "I'm going to be frank with you. My family is pureblood and very high in stature, as well a bit dark in their magical inclinations. The family idealogy is "Toujours pur", which means "Always pure". It essentially means than any magical child who doesn't have magical grandparents is worthless and in some cases has less rights than other magical children."

"That's horrible..." whispered Pam, and Runo nodded along.

"Why, though?" she asked. 

Judas shrugged. "The entire principle is rooted in the history of the magic world, when magical people were persecuted by the muggles for what was seen as the devil's acts at the time. Purely magical families feared the magical children from ordinary ones, believing that they would betray everyone to the muggles and cause a mass extinction. Eventually, the fear died down once the magical world became almost completely secluded from the muggle world. The sentiment still remained, of course, which is hardly fair. It eventually evolved into disdain and in some cases, outright hatred, which means you obviously need to be careful. Have you heard of the Dark Lord?"

Pam shook her head, and Runo did the same. "Nope. The name sounds a little presumptuous, though."

Judas rolled their eyes behind their glasses. "Yes, well, only the Dark families like mine usually call him that. The more "Light" factions tend to call him He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or You-Know-Who because during the Blood War when he went after muggleborns and their families, he had a taboo placed on his actual name, Voldemort."

"What's a taboo?"

"A taboo is like a spell placed on his name that alerts him to everyone who says it. It was a devastating tactic in the early days of the war, since so many people mentioned it and his followers appeared moments after to massacre them all. Anyways, the Dark Lord waged war on Magical Britain for years, attempting to take over Hogwarts and the Ministry of Magic to further the pureblood agenda. They wanted to register every muggleborn and in some cases just outright exterminate them. There used to be some talk about waging war on the muggles after. But on Halloween nine years ago, the Dark Lord was seemingly defeated by an actual infant when he tried to kill him, and the entire effort fell apart. Of course, since most purebloods had sided with him, including some of my cousins, you'd think that most of them would've been put in prison. But even though the Ministry doesn't support the pureblood agenda, they're easily corrupt and let go of those who claimed the Imperius and paid the Minister off. So, there's a lot of Death Eaters, the Dark Lord's followers, still running around, which means muggleborns still need to be on guard."

"What's the Imperius?" asked Runo. "It sounds like a spell, but..."

Judas sighed. "That's a whole thing. The Imperius is one of three Unforgivable Curses that are punishable by a lifetime prison sentence. It's essentially like mind control. If you place someone under the Imperius, they'll have to do whatever you want unless you have a strong force of will that lets you shrug it off. The Cruciatus can be basically summed up as the ultimate torture curse. Prolonged use of the curse on someone can drive that person insane. The final and arguably most deadly curse is Avada Kedavra, the killing curse. If you aim it at someone and it hits them, they die instantly with literally no marks. These three curses are the Darkest curses a person can use, and the Dark Lord's entire contingent used them extensively."

"That sounds horrible..." murmured Pam.

Runo shook her head. "So the magical world ends up having its problems, too... Is Hogwarts really safe?"

Judas opened their mouth to respond, before someone knocked on their compartment door. The trio exchanged glances, and Judas got up to slide it open, smiling when they saw who had knocked. 

They turned back to the two girls with a grin, holding a small pouch clinking with coins near their face. "So... Who wants snacks?"


	5. Hunter X Hunter - The Hunter Exam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up with an original Hunter Exam is hard! What the hell man how do people do this brain work even. And no although I was tempted Hisoka is not in this lol in fact this is just the first test and I'm not gonna start fights because I know Judas gonna start shit. So no canon characters. Except Tonpa he's here just to GET FLEXED ON the little bitch. Oh and Netero I guess

"Are you going to take the Hunter Exam, too?"

Kitkat blinked, turning away from the edge of the ship to face the speaker. "Yes? Who's asking?"

The blue haired boy shrugged. "I'm Noah." He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder at a brown haired girl, standing a bit behind him. "That's Quin." 'Quin' waved awkwardly at her, and Kitkat stiffly mimicked her.

"Ah..." Rubbing the back of her neck, Kitkat pushed up her glasses. "I'm Kitkat. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you," echoed the other two. They all fell silent.

"... I've heard rumors," slowly began Kitkat. "The Hunter Exam starts the moment you head towards the destination. Even then, you have to find the examination location yourself."

Noah sighed. "Testing out right out the gate, huh? Hunters really are the elite of the elite."

"It's not for the fainthearted," said Quin softly. "The percentage rate for passing successfully lasting year was a single person. They were the only one out of all the participants to actually become a Hunter."

"When you take the first step to becoming a Hunter, you have to be prepared to sacrifice your life," called down someone from above. The three tilted their heads back, staring up at the mast, spotting a silhouette perched in the crow's nest. The figure tossed themselves over the edge and dropped down onto the deck, straightening up. 

"Yo," they said, a hand raised in a frozen wave. "I'm Judas."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Kitkat, brow wrinkling slightly.

"I remember something about the mortality rate for the Exam being high..." trailed off Noah, frowning and casting his gaze to the side.

Making a noise of agreement, Quin pulled up the collar of her sweater. "That's true... I think the ratio was one in every five participants may die?"

"And you'd be right," nodded Judas. "The tests and the other participants are a hazard to you during it."

"The other participants?"

"Don't pretend you don't know. Of course there's gonna be people trying to sabotage you. Just another part of the Exam."

"... Now I'm wondering if I'm making the right choice, taking this..."

* * *

Huffing out a frustrated noise, Pam wrung out her hair, scowling fiercely. "Did they really have to throw me into the river...?"

"I think they were offended by your swearing," informed Runo dryly. "You're lucky I managed to figure out the trick before that guy tossed you off the cliff."

Pam shuddered, not entirely brought on by the fact that she was drenched, and it was the winter months. "That was terrifying... Why do the navigators have to be Kiriko..."

Shrugging slightly, Runo handed Pam back her pack. "Come on, we should get going. I don't think they're above leaving us behind just out of spite."

* * *

Nine watched with half-lidded eyes as Dave chugged down his third juice can, the person who gave it to him sweating nervously. He hummed to himself, sinking a canine into the pad of his thumb as he stared the person, Tonpa, down.

"Those drinks are poisoned, you know," murmured a passerby, turning back around and stand perpendicular to Nine. "That's Tonpa, the 'Rookie Crusher'. He's the first obstacle for the first timers to pass." The dark haired male raised an eyebrow at Nine, glancing over at Dave. "Will he be okay?"

Nine shrugged, waving Dave over. "Hey, Dave? Those drinks were poisoned, you know."

The purple haired guy finished off the last of his juice with a refreshed exhale. "Bold of you to assume poison can affect me."

"Convenient," the dark haired boy deadpanned, before he outstretched a hand at Nine. "I'm Gerard. A rookie like you guys, but some regulars like to flap their lips a little in the bathroom."

"Nine," he introduced himself, briefly shaking hands. "That's Dave."

"Yo," the catboy replied, distractedly throwing up a peace sign. He sniffed the air, and the entryway opened up, welcoming in a pair of girls, one who seemed to be sopping wet. He tilted his head to the side.

"People are still coming in, then?" observed Gerard.

Nine hummed in agreement. "So it seems. There's no set time when the Exam starts, right?"

Gerard shook his head. "People can keep coming in until the first examiner comes in, I hear."

"That one smells like a bird," announced Dave out of the blue, pointing over at the group of four who had just entered. The three of them observed Tonpa make their way over, plastering on a smile, before his face took on the color of spoiled milk and he rushed away.

"That was weird..." remarked Nine, scrutinizing the quartet.

Before anyone could respond, there was a sound of groaning metal, and the wall opposite to the entrance opened up to reveal a wall of rock, wind rushing through the gap and blasting the crowd of Hunter hopefuls in the face. A man dropped down from the gap, displaying a stern expression.

"I am the examiner for the first portion of the Exam," he announced. "So now, the Exam will begin: with the first test being to climb this cliff!" He swept his hand to the side, gesturing to the wall of rock behind him. He leapt back, finding hidden handholds, and scurried up the cliffside, disappearing past the ceiling. 

There was silence, before the hall echoed with the pounding of feet as the participants rushed to climb up the cliff.

Nine heaved a sigh. "Goddammit. This is gonna take a while..."


	6. Hogwarts AU - First Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is DUMB

"Mudblood!"

Runo stayed leaning against the wall, only picking up her books once the Slytherin girls turned the corner. She breathed heavily, thankful that no spells were used, and stiffened at the sound of footsteps.

"Runo!" She slumped in relief at the sound of Pam's voice, the Hufflepuff gasping at her state and wrapping an arm around her back to prop the Ravenclaw up.

"What happened?" Pam asked, even though she already knew the answer. Runo wasn't going to give in, though.

"Just wasn't watching where I was going."

The badger frowned at her disapprovingly, before shaking her head and saying nothing to reply. The two made their way to the Ravenclaw tower, and Pam waved her friend through with a sad expression.

Runo entered her dorm room, setting her books down and flopping onto her bed, face half pressed into the cushion. She sighed, long and heavy.

"Slytherins, again?" asked a voice from the doorway.

Runo sighed again. "You know the answer, Judas."

Said Black was leaned against the threshold with their arms folded. "Well, if you would just—"

"I don't wanna," mumbled Runo, cutting them off. "It's like I'm giving in."

Huffing in frustration, her fellow Ravenclaw frowned. "I don't know how you can endure when you could just end their taunting with a blood claim," they muttered, turning away, but not before making one last attempt over their shoulder. "It won't be too long before they start using spells." Their footsteps receded.

Runo curled up tighter on her bed. "I know..." she replied softly.

* * *

Pam twirled her wand between her fingers, sneaking glances over at Runo, who lazily turned the rat into a teacup and was awarded points from a very please McGonagall. She turned her head to spot Judas, head pillowed in their arms with a gleaming teacup at their elbow. She smiled, glad to see her friends were okay.

Her deskmate, Cedric Diggory, nudged her arm with his elbow. "Pam, hurry up, McGonagall's coming over to check our progress!"

She snapped out of her happy daze and pointed her wand at the rat, brow furrowing in concentration. The rat slowly morphed, twisting and morphing and turning paler and paler, until just as Professor McGonagall stepped in front of their desk, there sat a perfectly porcelain teacup with soft vine designs.

The professor gave her a slight smile. "Two points to Hufflepuff for a magnificently done cup."

Pam beamed back, and Cedric sighed, slightly amused. "Honestly, how can you space out and still have enough time to transfigure something perfectly?"

Pam shrugged in response. "It's my favorite subject, so far!"

"Really?" Cedric asked, packing up as McGonagall called for class to be dismissed. "You know we get new classes third year, right? And Transfiguration over Flying?"

Pam laughed lightly, doing the same. "You just really like Quidditch, Cedric."

"Guilty as charged, I suppose," he laughed back. The two Hufflepuffs maneuvered through the crowd of students, before she spotted a trail of black hair and smiled.

"Judas!" she called, waving as the aforementioned Ravenclaw half turned, then looking confused as they simply gave her a nod and turned away. "Oh..."

"I really don't know how you're friends with Black," commented Cedric, staring after their retreating back. "My dad says the whole family is Dark, and they especially don't like muggleborns."

"Judas is different," she half scolded, even as she twisted her fingers anxiously. "They helped Runo and I out on the train and told us everything about the magical world. They're different than their family."

_Judas is different... right?_

* * *

_To my dearest daughter:_

_I am pleased to hear your classes are going well. However, the missed opportunity at networking you could have taken, had you been in Slytherin, has left your mother in tears at the waste of your potential..._

Holding their wand to the corner of the parchment, Judas lit it aflame with a whispered word and an expressionless face, watching it crumble to ashes and falling onto the floor. They idly vanished the waste and drew their knees to their chest, glasses pressing uncomfortably against their face.

"I'm not a girl..."

"Messrs Black? What are you doing in the owlery?"

They whirled around, meeting the concerned and confused gaze of the History of Magic professor, who cast Tempus and furrowed his brow.

Judas sighed. "I'm sorry, Professor Lupin, I lost track of time. I'll go to my dormitory at once."

Remus Lupin sighed, raising a hand. "An honest mistake, Messrs Black. I'll escort you there." He glanced down at the ashes on the floor, recalling a similar scene, and looked down into a perfectly blank mask, so very far from the angry tears he remembered on a different yet similar face.

He could say something.

They descended the stairs.

He could say anything.

They passed by snoozing paintings.

What was it, that he had said to a different Black, angrier and brash, in red and gold instead of blue and bronze?

They ascended the stairs.

He couldn't recall.

Judas answered the riddle, and the door swung open. Remus opened his mouth.

He should say something, a reassurance or an offer, some sort of advice.

"Good night, Messrs Black."

But in the end, Judas is not Sirius.

And he is a coward.


	7. Naruto AU - The Uzumaki Cousins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nine really wants to be friends with the Kyuubi

The snow crunched under sandaled feet, leaving subtle imprints in his wake. He brushed past trees, icicles dripping from branches and snowflakes encrusting tree bark in strange patterns. He continued on his seemingly aimless walk, the forest thinning until he saw the lake, a layer of ice inlaid over the water, and descended down the slope.

The boards of the dock creaked underneath his feet, the sound echoing across the lake, and he sat down at the end, toes hovering a foot above the frozen water. He tilted his head back, gaze rising until met the inscribed seal pasted on the lock of the gate. Darkness fell.

"Hi, Kyuubi!" Nine said, smiling into the shadow of the cage. It was always darker over the lake, where the land ended as the icy waters began. It was more ocean than lake in appearance.

The shadows crinkled, splitting lazily to reveal a single red eye with a slitted pupil. The dark mass shifted, an angry orange-red hue of fur, rabbit-like ears twitching and the row of nine whip-like tails rolling with movement.

Kyuubi's lips pulled back, exposing rows upon rows of white, jagged teeth. "So my jailer has deigned to visit his prisoner," he spoke deeply, tone dripping with disdain. 

"You're not a prisoner," Nine retorted, leaning forward.

The fox sneered. "Then take off the seal." One of their tails flicked towards the paper seal at the lock.

Nine winced, staring up at the innocent looking scrap of parchment. "I..." he faltered. "I can't do that yet. I want to be your friend, first. I want to trust you, Kyuubi."

They snorted in response, body shifting to hide their head behind their fore legs. They said nothing else.

Sighing heavily, the Uzumaki swung his legs over the ice, waiting for the fox to respond. "It's unfair that you have to be stuck here. It's unfair that I can't help you. But I want to trust you, first, Kyuubi. I want to know your name, and I want to be friends with you, and help free you." He stared into the cage, at the beast who laid eerily still, unwilling to reply. He sighed again.

"I want to help," he said softly, closing his eyes.

As Nine's body faded from sight, Kyuubi huffed, a whoosh of wind exhaling from their nose.

"Humans."

* * *

Nine opened his eyes to the ceiling, groaning in irritation as his head pounded incessantly. "I thought naps were supposed to _help_ headaches, not make then worse."

"And I thought you said you weren't skipping class today, but I guessed wrong."

Nine winced, looking over at his cousin. Kitkat placed her hands on her hips, eyebrow raised judgmentally. He sighed, frowning at the ground. "What's the point?" he complained. "The teachers always end up sending me out of the room for absolutely ridiculous reasons, so it's not like going and not going make much of a difference. Besides, wasn't today yet another rehash of the same history lesson? More ego stroking for the Uchiha, and literally none for anyone else?"

Kitkat made a face. "You have a point, I guess. Still, you missed out on Akimichi-sensei's lesson. Doesn't she at least treat you fairly?"

"She only talks about stuff we already know, like chakra pills and all that. There's no point to attending if they're just repeating previous lessons."

"Still..."

Nine groaned, sitting up and slapping a hand to his forehead. "Come on, let's get ramen." At his cousin's hopeful look, he smirked. "I'm broke, you pay."

Kitkat sighed, following him out the door. "If you say so... You get next time, all right?"

His expression soured. "If the orphan's pension actually makes it way to me for once, I will."

She scowled as well. "They conveniently missed out on giving you your allowance this month, too?"

"Yeah. Had to wheedle Old Man Hokage into paying for my lunch."

"Damn. What the hell is wrong with people?"

"The same as always."

As the pair of cousins stepped onto the streets, the flow of the crowd slowed down, curving around them and deliberately avoiding them. Nine spotted discreet gestures of warding off evil and scoffed, and Kitkat glared at those who began to whisper "monster" and "demon" when they looked at her cousin.

As they reached the ramen stand, Kitkat clambered onto her stool and scowled at the countertop. "I hate the villagers," she hissed.

"Don't let Hokage-sama catch you saying that," Nine muttered under his breath, beaming at the vendor and placing his order. "He's not very subtle in the way he encourages me to love the village."

"Really now," hummed Kitkat in response. "Is he a moron?"

He shrugged. "At this point, that honestly wouldn't surprise me. Remember when he tried to make me think I wasn't actually an Uzumaki in order to hide the fact that we were related?"

"Yeah, he does some really dumb stuff. I don't understand him."

"It's a matter of my status in the village," Nine mused. "The jinchuuriki is the village's weapon, and thus, as a weapon, I must be loyal to the village, lack any attachments that could hinder me, and generally be the perfect weapon of mass destruction Konoha can turn on its enemies. The Hokage is thinking of me as the village's weapon first, and a person second."

"That's kinda fucked up," Kitkat murmured, taking her bowl of ramen. "Sometimes the ninja system just seems really..."

"Horrible?" suggested Nine. "Inhumane? Needs to be abolished?"

"What about all of the above?"

"That's the issue, honestly. The Land of Fire needs Konoha to defend it. The age of ninja is prevalent, and the ninja villages exist to wage war for the Daimyo, essentially. Konoha can't not exist, otherwise the Land of Fire would be a wasteland. The only solution would be the abolishing of the ninja village system as a whole, all over the Elemental Nations, so that stuff like this will no longer happen. But, then again, that probably won't happen. The Daimyo just love their wars, after all."

"That's a bleak way to look at it."

"It's realistic. It's funny that so many kids end up wanting to become a ninja to save princesses and whatever, but it's honestly a lot less ideal than that. This isn't a fairy tale life, you know."

Kitkat sighed, staring down at her broth. "We can dream, though."

"Only a dream, in the end." Nine finished off his ramen, turning towards his cousin as she placed the correct amount of ryo on the counter. The two left, the crowd parting around them.

"Can ninja be heroes?" Kitkat asked softly.

Nine stared up at the sky, the Hokage Monument looming before them.

"Maybe."


	8. One Piece AU - Fuck Slavery!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the crew aboard the Lobby have a lot of feelings about freedom

It's one thing to hear of slavery in low tones, of brands burned into skin and people sold at the starting price of 500,000 berries. It's one thing to hear the stories of freed slaves, hushed and cautious as they fear being overheard by the wrong person. 

It's another thing to witness it before your very eyes, as another pirate captain offers you 100,000,000 berries to buy your “pet mermaids”.

There's a dark expression on Judas’ face; five swords are already held in Gerard’s grasp. Dave and Red are both snarling, and Quin’s fists are pulsing with starlight. Every single one of the crew looks at this disgusting excuse of a human being like he’s the shit scraped off the sole of their sole. 

_This is an enemy._

“My _ crewmates, _” enunciates Nine clearly, Conqueror's Haki lacing his words, “are not for sale.”

The enemy captain, either being purposefully obtuse and ignoring the pressure of _ will _ Nine is emitting, heaves a false sigh before smirking nastily. “Well, not like I was going to pay, anyways.” He reaches into the folds of his coat, draws a pistol, leveling it at Nine’s face. “Hand over the merchandise, or I'll fucking—”

A flash, and his pistol is falling apart, the deadly gleam of Pam’s swords matching the vicious glint of her teeth as she snarls, “I am _ not for sale— _ !”, as Moon raises their arms, hands curling into claw-like shapes above their head, ocean _ roaring _into a maelstrom and grasping at the enemy ship. 

The enemy captain—the despicable excuse for a human being—collapses, foaming at the mouth with an utterly _ shattered _ , glassy look in his eyes as Nine overloads his brain with a targeted burst of King’s Will. As a unit, Kitkat and Gerard swing their blades and _ cleave _ the enemy ship into pieces, the maelstrom Moon has swirled to life _ crushing _ the pieces into wreckage, the few enemy pirates who had already boarded _ The Lobby _ roaring in anger as they charge at the rest of the crew, only to be utterly _ crushed _by the combined efforts of Noah, Judas, Runo, Dave, Red, and Quin. 

This is the first of many, the first confrontation the crew as a whole has with the atrocious existence of slavery, ever-present despite all claims to the contrary. 

The next time is harder. The next time, it’s an organized force, veteran slavers who are an old hand at slapping bomb collars on resisting merfolk, who have seastone bullets Quin needs to dig out of Kitkat and Dave. They chase the slavers’ ship to the edge of the Calm Belt, and only Nine’s Haki and fast talking saves them from getting crushed by Sea Kings.

This time, Judas rips a man’s chest open with their bare hands. This time, Red burns two men alive and throws their charred cadavers into the sea. This time, they're merciless. Ruthless. They handle the slavers’ ship with care, slaughtering the occupants save for the ones with a collar around their neck. There's children and there's emaciated faces all around of all races, and the crew thinks as one, _ this is more than personal. This is bigger than our own grievances. _

So they make a detour. They lead the ship full of freed slaves to a small port. Red feeds them all, and Quin and Dave offer healing where it's needed.

(In the dead of night, Judas gathers the freed slaves together and shows them how to tattoo over the Hoof of the Soaring Dragon with patient hands and hard eyes.

In the dead of night, Judas and the fishmen look at each other and smile as a hoof becomes a red sun.)

“The world is crueler than I thought it would be,” says Kitkat, staring at still-too-thin children who still hold a tint of disbelief in their eyes. Gerard presses his lips together and looks away; he remembers the cruelty of the New World, where only the protection of an Emperor could protect you from slavers, where even then, it depended on which Emperor you sought protection from. 

“The Blues are out of the loop when it comes to the Grand Line,” replies Noah, playing with a thin length of chain. “Slavery is… easier to hide, in the Blues. Nobody really thinks it's still a thing that happens; they believe anything the Marines say. Out in Paradise, and _ especially _the New World… You have to protect yourself. You get acquainted with plenty of future threats, in the end.”

“It's… really that bad, isn't it?” asks Dave. He leans into Red, who wraps an arm around his shoulders and grimaces.

“The entitlement of the World Nobles is as nauseating as ever,” remarks Runo, the deceptive blankness of her tone contrasting the furious expression on her face. 

“Huh,” Quin says, head tilted. “No wonder Judas wanted to go Revolutionary.”

“Well,” declares Nine, “just because we're pirates doesn't mean we can't _ also _do some very Revolutionary-esque things. Pirates love their freedom, right? Well, so long as the World Government is still in existence, we’re not very free, are we?”

“Captain,” says Pam, voice brimming with anticipation, “that is the best idea you've ever had. I'm so glad I'm part of this crew!”

“Whitebeard's flag protects Fishman Island from slavers, but only to a point,” says Moon. “It doesn't extend past that. And Whitebeard isn't invincible. He's still human, still _ old. _If he dies… Our home will fall victim to slavers again. I don't want that to happen.”

“And it _ won't, _ ” Red swears forcefully. “We're going to get stronger, strong enough to challenge admirals. The One Piece isn't our goal; we're not like other pirate crews. Freedom, _ true freedom… _It's something that should be readily accessible to everyone. Not something that's so easily taken away by the whims of the government.”

“It's not enough for only a scarce few people to be free,” Quin murmurs. “ _ Everyone _should have the right to be free.”


End file.
